Chuck Wagon Really Closing?

Hard to believe that the morning smorgasbord is about to end. Just two more days (for most of us).

We trust that our final case review tomorrow morning will be awash in baked goods. (Chocolaty, we hope.)

So, are the ragamuffin lackeys looking better fed now than 10 weeks ago? You be the judge. (No poking or pinching the lackeys, though.)

End of Summer LAJC Staff Quiz

Nearing the end of the two-month-long Boiler Room Experiment, the lackeys have gotten to know each others’ quirks far too well. But, has the LAJC staff taken the time to get to know the Boiler Room lackeys?

For each of the below, identify the matching lackey. (They're all true, by the way.)

1. Talks to self more than any other lackey.


2. Watches the soap opera “Passions” over the Internet while doing legal research in the Boiler Room.


3. Commandeered the Boiler Room's cushiest armchair. (The only cushy armchair in the room, actually.)


4. Also known as DJ Big Nasty.


5. Carries legal research materials around in a falling-apart Ann Taylor Loft shopping bag.


6. Sprinkles thank-you cards around like candy from a piñata.


7. Drinks unhealthy amounts of cherry Coke zero.


8. The Boiler Room’s most expert baker.


9. Never heard of rock-paper-scissors before joining the Boiler Room.

Boiler Room Lackey Disciplined!!!

A Boiler Room Lackey attempted to throw his unwanted food trash in the boiler room gabbage this morning and was harshly disciplined by another Lackey. Ok, so maybe the discipline was not as painful as it looks in the image above, but it stung none the less. Since Trash Boy had more important things to do last week (like work on his tan), he was unaware of the ant invasion in the Boiler Room. Surely, he has learned his lesson and will be more conscious of maintaining the quality of working conditions in the Sweatshop from now on...or else!

On a serious note...

SAVE THE CHILDREN!!!!

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=3405101

President Bush is threatening to VETO the reauthorization of SCHIP! WTF?! This is a program that currently provides health insurance to 6 million poor children but hey they didn't vote for Bush so what does he care.

Watch the video above, Dr. Pappas of the UVa Medical Center is being interviewed on ABC News and then write a letter to your senator and congressman!

We Be Blowin' Up This Blog

On Friday morning, a slightly older JustChildren intern did an in-home interview with a 16-year-old boy for whom Andy Block is serving as guardian ad litem, accompanied by one of the other Boiler Room lackeys. At one point, we were discussing the kid's efforts at following up on job applications he had dropped off with with potential employers.

He said, "Man, we be blowin' up their phone!"

JustChildren intern, puzzled: "Huh?"

Luckily the younger, hip lackey was able to translate. "You tried calling them a lot?"

"Yeah."

Maybe the JustChildren intern is getting too old for this already...before even getting started.

Quote of the Day

While watching the song routine on the DVD of the skit:

"Those two are really quite bouncy."

-- anonymous LAJC staff attorney

Poisoning Young Minds

At long last, the year-end potluck arrived, and the food was fabulous. The company was delightful. The conversation stimulating. The setting idyllic.

And...Skit'07 opened to rave reviews from all. Apparently a bootleg video will soon hit the street.

And despite the presence of several young, impressionable minds, the interns filled the skit and its musical number with plenty of blue language...with the complicity of the parents in the audience.

To quote Reverend Lovejoy's wife from the Simpson's, "Won't someone please think of the children!"

Oh, the things you can get away with when you've renounced federal funding.

Greatest Show on Earth?

Well, there won't be any lion-tamers involved, or someone shooting out of a cannon. And we don't have a Cecil-B.-DeMille or Steven-Spielberg budget. But after spending weeks trying to get out of it, looks like the lackeys will be pouring all their talent into Skit'07.

We don't want to jinx it, of course, so we can't reveal much about the skit. But we will say that the costumes will be stunning. And don't be surprised if Sissy Spacek (and perhaps Ron Howard and Brian Grazer) tries to crash the party to catch a glimpse. (We've been trying to keep the lid on this, but apparently you can't trust James Lipton with a secret.)

On the Trail of a Criminal Mastermind

So, now that the Adult Ed folks have moved out of the building, it turns out that they may not have been responsible for every misuse of the kitchen. In fact, since they moved out the pace of refrigerated-food thefts has picked up.

There were some yogurts pilferred earlier this summer (at least 2), but the current crime wave began yesterday when little Rachel, Virginia's adorable daughter, found that her lime yogurt was missing from the fridge, ruining her highly anticipated breakfast. Yesterday also saw the theft of Allison's fruit from the fridge.

Then today someone stole Katherine's Breadworks sandwich...opening one of the fridge drawers and ripping open the bag to get at it. No one is safe.

So, we've been putting our heads together (and our collective criminal investigation skills), and while we can't confidently identify the culprit, we've got a pretty good suspect...who happens to be suspiciously innocent-looking.

She's perhaps the quietest, most polite person to be found around LAJC's offices. She's also the smallest--certainly capable of creeping around unseen. And her frequent presence at LAJC during the work-day has coincided with the departure of the adult ed folks and the current crime wave.

That's right...angelic little Rachel.

You might think it couldn't be her, since her own yogurt was stolen yesterday. ...or was it? Maybe it was just a devilishly clever diversion. (Reinforced by the cute little WANTED flier posted on the fridge door this morning.) Hmm.

Not to accuse anyone, of course. There are competing theories as to the identity of the culprit (or culprits). But Rachel is certainly a "person of interest" at this point.

As high as the stakes are, no one can hide behind a spotless, innocent, guileless reputation.

Quote of the Day

"Sometimes you've got to romance yourself."
- an anonymous but very sympathetic intern

Just who does she think she is?

This morning in the Boiler Room, as the lackeys were discussing their pending tour of the regional jail and the folks we'd see there, one female intern staked her claim.

"All I have to say is, I've got first dibs!"

Well, apparently this lackey thinks she's pretty hot stuff, because even though we were taken on an exhaustive (and exhausting), two and a half hour tour of pretty much the entire facility, apparently none of the many inmates we saw was good enough for her.

But another female lackey seemed to have more realistic standards...she admitted afterward that she was checking to see if guys were wearing wedding rings. Luckily she's moving into the Lakeside Apartments later this summer, right across the street from the jail. Which will certainly make frequent conjugal visits more convenient.

Our messsage to the intern who's just too good? You're not getting any younger, honey.

Table of Temptation

OK, is it just me or is the "Table of Temptation" more 'table' than 'temptation?' I mean, is it too much for the Captain or passengers of the BoilerMaster's Chuck Wagon Expess to drop off a few morsels of food from the restaurant where they just finished stuffing their faces? Or for some thoughtful soul to pick up a box of goodies from the store on the way to work. Thursday has become the only day we can rely on filling our starving bellies with brownies and muffins. As I work diligently in the sweatshop, I soothe the hunger pains of a growling stomach with daydreams of a mouthwatering crumb or two.

Quote of the Day (2x)

"I'm fasting for justice."
- overly privileged intern as cookie is falling out of her mouth

Quote of the Day

"They're so chocolaty they'll put you in a coma."
-Intern

The Best and the Brightest

We didn't actually see steam coming out of anyone's ears, but there was definitely some extra heat in the Boiler Room before lunch today, with neurons firing en masse for an intense half-hour stretch.

The subject of this rigorous deliberation? The 4th Circuit's standard for the exhaustion of administrative remedies, or the vaguaries of the provision of FAPE in special ed? Child's play. How to game the lottery system when registering for next year's classes, or strategies for targeting firms for on-grounds-interviews? Yawn.

The problem looked something like this: we're ordering pizza; 13 people in on the order; 5 want cheese pizza, 4 want veggie, 3 want pepperoni, 1 wants veggie with no cheese; we have two 2-for-1 coupons.

Impossible to please everyone and remain economical? Not when you throw some of the best young minds from one of the best law schools in the country at the problem. In a mere half-hour of adding, dividing, recalculating, guessing, and bickering, the Boiler Room lackeys (and a intern returned from exile) got close enough to put their money down on some pizza orders.

The pizzas arrived. Lackeys and staff dug in, chatted, laghued, had seconds. And in the end? With a last-minute tweak of the order by the lackey in exile, the results were amazingly accurate.

And to think that our classmates with corporate internships this summer, getting lavished with meals at company expense, never have to face such quandaries. How can they possibly know the thrill of beating such odds?

Kind of makes it all worth it....

Quote of the Day

Conversation between two interns over the famous game "Rock Paper Scissors."

Occasional Boiler Room Intern: "They have that game ("Rock Paper Scissors") everywhere!"

Intern 2 denies any knowledge: "Not in the environment I lived in."

Occasional Boiler Room Intern snaps back: "Where was that...a cave?"